I can focus. Really…I can…
Oooohhh!!! What’s that?
Okay…back to the topic at hand. Wait a minute…what was I talking about?
Oh! That’s right. I was talking about..wait a minute, The Big Bang Theory‘s on.
Okay, I’m focused. Really, I am. I know exactly what I was going to write about until I started to write and then the kids needed something and they turned on the TV and then I got off topic.
This is my brain. Without caffeine. Without any kind of additive. Welcome to the labyrinth of my neurons. Just remember, when you have the choice, turn left. Left will take you…wait a minute, Amy on The Big Bang Theory is massaging a balloon and it’s loud.
Wow…I was really going to try and write about having [undiagnosed] adult ADD. The only problem is that I am legitimately having a hard time keeping my focus on this topic because there are so many distractions happening right now.
This is my reality. Constant stimulation. Constant distraction. Maybe that’s why I love stupid computer games. They have an immediate end and follow patterns that I’m able to predict and figure out rather quickly. They are quick; I can sink into them without hesitation. And being pulled out of them doesn’t mean that I lose completely.
It’s hard to pause my brain. I swear, at times I have gerbils in my head running on those damn exercise wheels. They keep on going in circles but never arrive at their destination. It’s just go and go and go….never ending. Wait, where did that thought go?
Teaching is fun with [undiagnosed] adult ADD. I’m in the middle of talking about an important topic of critical thinking and blah blah blah…wait! A rabbit just hopped by my window! And, without pause, I yelp “rabbit! rabbit!” which is what I do with my kids when we see rabbits. Only problem. I’m teaching a college course at a university. This really happened. It was humiliating. Some people thought it was hysterical. One man in the back of the room cast baleful glares at me for the rest of the semester. That was…fun.
Other times, I’m in the middle of another important lecture/discussion about critical thinking and exponents and Australopithecus and a student will pull out his/her cell phone. And all I see is a bright light shining on the student’s face. I’m supposed to say “give me the phone” or “put it away.” My brain is happily paying attention to the light. Look! Pretty! This isn’t as bad as the rabbit incident. It’s a bit disconcerting when I’m following one train of thought and, all of a sudden, a word or a point triggers a memory or another thought and I’m lecturing about this piece of information…
And then the students look at me like I’ve developed multiple-head-syndrome.
This is when trying to go in verbal reverse is lots of fun.
Perhaps that’s why I love making origami cranes in church. My hands are moving so I can keep my focus on my Jay, the minister. His sermons are wonderful and interesting. But I can’t keep still. So I quietly tear up the church bulletin/program and turn the bits into cranes. Right now, I have a family of four on the shoe-shelf in my house. Two more are on a book shelf at school.
That doesn’t count the ones I have tossed in the recycling bin.
At the same time, having [undiagnosed] adult ADD can be a lot of fun. It means that my mind sparks constantly which means that I’m jumping from idea to idea without pause. Again, this makes having a normal conversation a nightmare. But, when I’m by myself, I’m constantly entertained.
Of course, this also might be why people think that my happiness is akin to stupidity and that I can’t take anything seriously. I’ll have you know that I can be a very serious person. Really! Just don’t give me caffeine.
In the end, I have chosen never to complain about my constant distractions. I would rather enjoy the spark of life, even if it means I’ll never arrive at a destination fully intact, when the ride is thrilling.