The Kingdom of North Sudan

This place supposedly exists.  Not on any official map.  It is not recognized by Egypt or Sudan.  The UN has not recognized this “country.”  Or, rather, this kingdom.  But I saw a video about this locality and was so shocked I had to do research.  I had to look up whether or not this “kingdom” exists.  And in some ridiculous man’s mind, it does.

IMG_0233

My children, especially the Girl who is a princess in her eyes (and mine) in front of Neuschwanstein…a real castle. In a real country.

And it sort of terrifies me.

So, somewhere in 2014 (I think…I know that it wasn’t this year), a six year old girl named Emily asked her sweet daddy if she was ever going to be a real princess.  Or she told him that she wanted to be a real princess.    And apparently he thought that in order to be a good father he needed to make sure that her dreams were brought to fruition.  So he did some research on unclaimed territory and found an 800 square mile tract of land…actually desert….that is a contested area that is on the border of southern Egypt and northern Sudan.

On the back of a placemat (I assume that it was paper), this man (Jeremiah) and his family (including his dear, sweet Emily) drew a flag that would be a representation of their kingdom.  A blue background with a gold star at the top (representing the mother/wife), a circle with a crown in the center with white rays emanating from the circle (representing the purity of their intentions), and three white stars for the children…maybe that’s the white symbolism…can’t remember.  In all honesty, I don’t want to remember.

So, Jeremiah found this chunk of desert that no one is living in, goes into Egypt, hooks up with some people who will take him to this chunk of desert and on Emily’s birthday plants the flag into this chunk of desert and says that this is his land.

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My Girl, the only Princess I would ever need.

I’m serious.  He planted a damn flag and said that this land is his and his family’s and that it is a kingdom and, therefore, his daughter is now a princess.  In fact, her official title is Princess Emily.  And CNN interviewed this nut-job and his daughter and, guess what, this journalist actually called her “Princess Emily.”  Maybe the journalist wasn’t taking this too seriously, but that father was.

You might think that I’m being a bit judgmental.  And, you know what….you’re right.  I am being judgmental.  Because Jeremiah really does think that he and his family own this land.  He has started the process of contacting the Egyptian and Sudanese government in addition to the UN to apply for ownership rights.

And he has a website.  Complete with an application process to become a citizen of the “Kingdom of North Sudan.”  For free, you get nothing.  But starting at something like $29,000 payable over two years, you can apply for citizenship and get something like ten points towards your application.  That’s at the blue level…I think.  I’m really trying to block this out.

Online, I found at least two other levels…with a reference to a gold level that was not easily found.  With each succeeding level, you will earn more privileges towards potential citizenship including a letter signed by Princess Emily (barf) herself.  Apparently, the more money you pay, the better of a job you might have in this lovely piece of desert.

In order to join this “kingdom” (I really am getting more and more nauseated just thinking that this is not an April Fool’s joke), you have to complete an application.  Sudanese and Egyptian people are not allowed to apply.  Unless they are doctors or scientists.  So, not only is the man a delusional idiot…but he’s racist/discriminatory.  The first time I saw the video, I thought it was a joke, a parody of this man’s foolishness.  Until I went on the Kingdom of North Sudan website that is owned and operated by Sir Doofus and saw the video for a second time.

By the way, from what I can tell, the man is a pumpkin farmer.  In Virginia.  Because a pumpkin farmer in Virginia knows a whole lot about living in a desert.

But, his intentions are based on purity and love.  And, because of his pure and loving intentions, he intends on doing scientific research on growing crops in the desert with minimal water.  I highly recommend cacti.  Additionally, it is Princess Emily’s greatest wish to feed the children who live in her kingdom.  Interesting enough, no one lives in her kingdom.  Because it’s a desert.  And it’s inhabitable.  Pat thinks it’s also a training ground for ISIS.

Dave Egges

Dave Egges

All I can think of is Dave Eggers’ creative non-fiction “novel” What is the What which details the attempted genocide of the southern Sudanese by the Janjaweed.  And I can’t help but wonder what this Jeremiah person is thinking to go to an area that is totally unstable and think that this is even feasible.  Oh, wait…and the fact that he even thinks his claim is legitimate is sickening.

He planted a flag in the dirt on his daughter’s seventh birthday.  He said that this land was his.  Okay.  So what’s to stop me from going over there with my own flag (to be designed, thank you very much) and knock his over and say that this land is my land?  According to His Idiotic Highness, Jeremiah, about a hundred years ago, this flag planting was all that needed to be done to call a piece of unclaimed territory.  He even referenced Columbus and America.  I wonder if Jeremiah recalled the fact that America was named for the Italian cartographer Amerigo Vespucci who, I understand, never set foot in America?

A flag is not a sign of ownership.  If that’s the case, then the little garden flag that my neighbors gave me:  since they gave me the flag, does this mean they own the land (the front garden) in which it was planted?  Or do they own my entire plot of land given that I have not finished paying off the loan to the bank?  Or, does the bank own the land even though it has not planted a flag on it but my neighbors gave me the flag which I planted in the ground until it disintegrated?  Or, do I own the land despite who gave me the flag?  Or, do I resume ownership of the land now that the flag has disintegrated which means that it is no longer in existence which, thereby, nullifies my neighbor’s possible claim to this land?

My husband's flag.

My husband’s flag.

Damn it!  What about the deer that keep on coming onto my land and trying to eat my tomato plants?  Are they refugees?  Invaders?  Do I need to set up a refugee camp or am I allowed to take up arms against these deer as they are depleting my family’s food resources?  I consider them to be hostile.  And more people die every year from being killed by deer than Great White Sharks.

The only princess I will ever listen to is my daughter.  And that’s because she’s a princess in spirit only.  This junk about a kid named Princess Emily nauseates me because she is eventually going to either come to grips with reality (hopefully around the time when the UN starts laughing in unison at Jeremiah the Kingdom of North Sudan’s royal jester) or might actually be as delusional as her parents.  And the journalists who have interviewed them.

Because the concept of being able to plant a flag and that being enough to consider yourself a legitimate ruler of a piece of land is disgusting.  And the fact that this man thinks that claiming historic tradition as a means of legitimizing his claim is even more preposterous.  For hundreds…thousands of years, women were property (traditionally).  Thank God this changed.  Don’t claim tradition with me, bud.  It doesn’t work….I’m not a traditional woman.

By the way, just in case you are interested in joining, here’s the website:  https://www.kingdomsudan.org

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