Coming to Terms

I made my decision yesterday.  I will wait on the MFA in Creative Writing.  I will start taking Creative Writing classes.  I will not give up on my dream.  I’m just going to keep on building the foundation before plunging in.

I am comfortable with my decision.

For the most part.

I am in the process of making and or executing (is that the right word?) several major decisions.

Let’s start somewhere near the top and work my way to the bottom…

  1.  The Boy’s Phone:  The Boy has been hounding my husband and me for a smart phone for years.  Years.  I’m not exaggerating.  And I’m tired of the hounding.  But I also know what it is to want something terribly and know that it’s just a little too far out of reach to get it on my own.  That was how I felt about my first computer.  No matter how much I wanted it, I didn’t have the money to buy it outright.  Thankfully, I got a loan and in a year, I paid off my computer.  I loved that thing.  It was a Gateway, a lovely toy that held some writing and some silly games and some silly music.  I spent hours on that computer playing Solitaire, exploring the internet, or writing or thinking that I was writing.  So, to bring this full circle, I knew that the Boy was not going to be able to afford buying the phone and paying for his plan.  And my husband does NOT want to be on another contract.  And then I found that I could buy my son a decent phone (yes, an iPhone) and get him on a month-to-month plan.  I currently spend $25.00 a month on my son’s phone that he never uses.  For 45.00 a month, he can have a phone with unlimited talk and text and 1 gig of data.  More than enough for him.  So, here’s the deal we made.  First, he has to keep up his grades.  Second, he has to keep away the attitude.  Third, he has to pay for at least half of the new phone.  Fourth, for the first year, I will pay his bill, after that, he is required to pay the additional 20.00 that is beyond the 25.00 that I spend on a phone he doesn’t use.  He will not receive his new phone until Christmas.  Therefore, he has time to earn and time to keep up his grades.  Good enough.
  2. Creative Writing classes:  Yeah, I explored this decision last night, but then, this morning, I got on Postsecret.com and scrolled.  And I found the secret that is the featured image for today.  I saw the original secret, the “If you’re waiting for a sign…this is it.  Do it.  It will be amazing” years ago.  It led me to follow in earnest my dream of writing and publishing my novel.  I wrote it.  I sent it out to literary agents.  They politely declined.  Today, I saw this secret again with the additional statements “Thank you.  And it is.”  And once more, I could feel God slamming me in the head with his spiritual 2X4 (because it takes me a little more than just a simple nudge).  I’m going to enroll in classes this fall which means I will be making many changes in terms of home and professional worlds.  And I’m ready for these changes.  My family might not be.  But they will be fine.  And then, once I have exhausted the undergrad courses and my children are well on their way through college, I am going to start taking graduate level classes.  I see the path ahead of me.  I might be in college for ten years.  But I am going to have an amazing decade.
  3. Polishing the Bones:  Today, I finally realized a huge reason why I have been unhappy with my novel.  I was missing the impetus, the catalyst for actions and choices.  I was trying too hard to take older versions of the novel and squeeze them into what I am trying to write now.  It won’t work.  So I’m starting over.  But, this time, I realized that I need to change my main character’s profession.  Which will fit in perfect with her childhood.  Which will fit in perfect with the novel’s theme.  I’m ready.  I’m ready.  I’m ready.  I might not be writing my 1000 words a day on this site.  I will still continue to write here. But I am going to write a thousand words a day on this last installment of Polishing the Bones.  And what’s ironic (because it ties back into the secret that is the catalyst for everything in the first place) is that I know of the perfect literary agent for my novel and me.  I don’t know if he is still working or willing to represent new writers.  But I’m going to try.  I’ll do my research.  I’m going to do this.  I’m coming back, Beth.  I’m on my way.  Just give me a few more minutes and then we’ll sit down together and do it one last time.
  4. AT Training and Dieting:  I went to my doctor on Friday regarding my possible thyroid issues (it runs in the women on my mother’s side of the family).  And after my doctor was done drawing blood, he told me he was going to check my blood sugar and cholesterol levels.  I know that tomorrow, when he calls, he is going to tell me that my cholesterol is too high.  I know he is going to want to make me take medication.  And I’m going to refuse.  I’m going to diet, exercise, walk a hundred miles on the Appalachian Trail, and try to lower my cholesterol through healthy living.  And, after a year, if I haven’t made enough progress, then I will accept the prescription.  But not until I have tried it my way.

I walked nine miles today.  And ran another mile which makes it ten miles exercised.  No, I’m not trying to go from “zero to hero” in one day.  I’m sore and achy and tired.  But I just started walking and the miles fell away behind me.  I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the world and started walking to give me the strength for what I am going to do tomorrow (the doctor) and for a hundred mile hike this summer.  Since my iPod had no power, I had to leave my musical distraction at home. But that’s okay.  Because I listened to the bird’s singing this morning.  I heard the soft melody of wind chimes.  I heard the ease of the world in its spinning.

And all was well.

During my walk, I passed a robin attacking its reflection on the bumper of an SUV.  It would sit and stare at its reflection for a moment and then suddenly dart up, flying at its nemesis, and smash its head into the SUV.  Without intervention, the poor animal was going to kill itself over a false sense of animosity, a hatred of itself because it couldn’t see that it was only attacking a shadow of itself.

I know it’s going to sound ludicrous, but I spoke to the bird, encouraged it to stop, to fly away.  Because in watching the lunatic bird smashing its head into the bumper, I was seeing a version of me smashing myself because of a reflection I didn’t care to see.

No more.  Done.

So, if you’re looking for a sign…this is it.  Do it.  It will be amazing.

Indeed it is.  And for you, dear reader, this is your sign. Whatever you are waiting to do, whatever you are afraid of doing, whatever you are hesitating on doing…so long as you are not hurting anyone or breaking the laws…do it.

It will be amazing.

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