Breathing Inside the Shell

I’m still here.  Really I am.  I’ve been hiding, taking a long time finding the different reaches of my shell and finding that I have been most comfortable in the compact center, tucked far away from everything.

The world is good.  The world has been…weird.  I’m avoiding and please allow me this moment.  I’m sorry that I have been so silent.  I have been going on different “adventures” in which I have had to look in a few mirrors that I thought I shattered a long time ago.

I am woefully behind on my writing.  I still need to finish updating my adventures in New York City.

I have done miles and miles on the Appalachian Trail.  I did not accomplish my 95 that I dreamt of completing.  I completed over 50 and I am so proud of that.  But in admitting to not fulfilling my dream-goal, I am still finding that I’m a bit knackered by this.

My world is good.  My world is beautiful and wonderful but feeling awkward, like the boundaries and edges of my skin are undulating and questionable.  I’m not certain how much that makes sense.  But I know this reality.

I feel as though I am shivering within myself.  I feel as though I am walking on unsteady, imbalanced stilts.  I feel as though I am walking on a rocks glistening with sunshine.

I have written poetry in my head that needs to be set on to the page.  I have designed my next tattoo.  I have lived in a very real, very brutal way.

I am not telling sad stories.  I have no sadness to record.  As I sit here and glance at my writing, I can see the potential references and allusions to something horrible and tragic and I will assure you, that nothing such as this has happened.

Tomorrow, the Girl and I will go out hiking, a different section of the Appalachian Trail.  After, we will meet up with my brother for dinner before coming home.  Tomorrow, I will have yet another adventure.

I’m not certain if I have accomplished my initial goal of 15 adventures.  I have realized, though, that I have pulled and stretched myself in different ways that might not be an adventure to others….but I have seen a new topography of myself.  And, in exploring these new ridges, I have found my adventure.

Tomorrow, if I can, I will start recording my summer adventures.  I will start finish writing about New York City (another two days of recording to be done).

Then, I will write about my drive in Shenandoah National Park with my hiking partner (another adventure).

And then, I will write about my five glorious and painful days of hiking.

Tomorrow, another adventure, Mcafee’s Knob.

So many wonderful experiences.  So many wonderful poems.  I think I will stand on the edge of my spectrum, spread my arms, and feel the colors collect under me, and rise.

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