The thick, gray clouds just lay from horizon to horizon. The radar is green with rain. The weather alert on my computer says “wintry mix.”

I am waiting.

I feel like tea in a silken sachet. Hot water is poured over me and I absorb the water. Grow. Release.


Wait. Siphon in the water. Be transformed. Transform the world surrounding me.


I’ve been working on this post for 22 hours. Well. Not really. I started this post 22 hours ago. And then let it sit, Let it steep. Because the title came to me as I pushed the “Write” button but I didn’t know where the post was going to go. I needed to steep as well.

Since I have started my Mary Oliver posts, I am finding her everywhere. She shows up on my Facebook account. I read about her on the New York Times. Today, the poem of the day is Mary Oliver’s “Invitation.” She invites the reader or a person who is walking with her or just some person in the ether to stop. To pause beside a meadow brimming with goldfinches and exult in the musicality as the goldfinches call to one another, as they compete in a singing competition.

Creatively, I have been steeping. Just letting the next chapter kind of brew in my mind, let the words steep. Maybe. Really. Actually. I am avoiding writing the next chapter. Because of so many reasons…

Just because.

And yet, I feel like God is reaching out to me. Because the goldfinch is an important motif throughout my novel. Because I love Mary Oliver and have been writing again because of her. Because today I feel like I have been invited to come back to my life once more and partake.

I have been on hiatus, a sabbatical from my writing, from my life. I have been living in pause and just trying to most past my staticky self. I am pixelated. A bit broken.

I have been steeping. Gathering my tea leaves into little clusters so they can divulge my future.

But I own my future. To quote “Invictus,” “I am the master of my fate,/I am the captain of my soul.”

Oh Mary Oliver, lead me through the swamp. I have on my waders, but am so incredibly tired and worn. But lead on. Time to live.

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